HIPas IwannaBEE

…•*¨*•.¸¸♥ ¸¸.•*¨*•♥ Finding Joy…

What It Feels Like to Stop Getting Noticed

200903_omag_val_220x312A few months ago, I spent an afternoon helping out an art dealer friend at a print fair. At a table in front of his display, I sat on one side of him while his assistant sat on the other; we greeted prospective buyers as they walked by. “Hi there!” I would say with warmth and (what I thought was) a touch of modest charm when I saw one coming. Time and again, from the men, I got a limp, dismissive “hi” in response, occasionally a nod. It wasn’t the Whistlers or the Chagalls that were diverting the art lovers’ attention; it was my friend’s lovely assistant. She wasn’t flashy or glamorous; but she had a smooth, milky, 20-something complexion and the sweet, expectant, wide-eyed look of youth. Thirty years ago, I might have been her.

Today, however, I’m 58 and I look it, by which I mean that I haven’t had any work done to make me appear younger. I’m trying to get down with the aging thing, to accept it—at least till I’ve decided that I can’t. Almost every morning I discover some other small reminder that I am growing older: an age spot, another wrinkle or wisp of gray in my (thinning) brows.

If you’re going through this, you already know that watching your face mature is not the most gratifying spectator sport—because no matter how constantly or enthusiastically you root for the home team, eventually age will win the game. Which is a good way to think about it, because the bottom line is that the process of aging involves a certain amount of loss. And what I discovered at that art fair is that if you have benefited from the currency of your looks, when that currency loses its value, you can end up feeling pretty bankrupt. Entering a room of mixed company—a meeting, a party—or walking down a crowded street, I’ve learned to expect that I’ll attract a little attention. I don’t mean that people stop in their tracks, open-mouthed, and stare (as they have when I’ve walked down the street with my 6 2, striking young niece), but I’ve been banking on appreciative glances for a long time. They make me feel pretty, which makes me feel happy. Not in the way, certainly, that motherhood has made me happy, or my work, but there is a small feeling of satisfaction attached to receiving these looks; it’s as if, at least on the face of it, I know how to do this female thing well.

So I guess it shouldn’t have been shocking to me how difficult it was to be distinctly ignored. I hadn’t been aware that the glances I’d been accustomed to had been falling off. That afternoon, I felt as if I had been stripped of all color and was the only gray-and-white figure in a richly tinted painting. I was Marion Kerby, one of the ghosts in Topper, all dressed up and nowhere to…be seen.


November 14, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Life’s Happenings

Life’s Happenings

God said: I have made my children in such a way that when the people of the world are sitting, they would be standing, when the world is standing, they will stand out, when the world stands out, my children must be outstanding and when the devil dares the world to be outstanding, my people will be the standards to be used!

October 1, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | , | Leave a comment

My Birthday…

n1306768913_3502What a beautiful day it has been so far. I have made a pledge to myself that I will apply great things into my life, that I have learned from others, that will enrich my life daily! I have so many beautiful friends and family. A few years back, I had the opportunity to live next door to the most beautiful woman ever. She taught me so much. And this past week I have been thinking about all the teachings I could have applied to my life. She was the most loving, generous lady, she gave and when she gave it was so beautifully given!! There where times that I would just find something great sitting on my front porch from her, she would at times sneak over before she would head off to school, just to make sure that I had a surprise waiting for me when I opened my front door. So this year I have decided to Celebrate my birthday the way I know she would celebrate her own. I have enjoyed sharing with my family and friends that I have a special day today!! Christie, I miss you so much, but I am grateful for your teachings on being compassionate with myself and other’s… She was the most happiest woman I had ever meet. I will always admire her, and I am so grateful for the happiness she has found with her new husband of 4 years now. What a blessing she has waited for, for many years as she spent her whole life supporting her children, and teaching school, and loving everything about LIFE… BIG or small . And a great blessing she received is just has BIG as the blessing’s she gave to so many over the years. So here’s to my special day today!! Thanx Christie for your inspiration and Love…Happy Birthday to me… : )

September 27, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

“Women lose their lives not knowing they can do something different… I claimed myself and remade my life. Only when I knew I belonged to myself completely did I become capable of giving myself to another, of finding joy in desire, pleasure in our love, power in the body no one else owns.” Dorothy Allinson

September 17, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment



September 10, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , | Leave a comment